Current:Home > MyHoliday togetherness can also mean family fights. But there are ways to try to sidestep the drama -ForexStream
Holiday togetherness can also mean family fights. But there are ways to try to sidestep the drama
View
Date:2025-04-16 14:02:17
The holidays, a time where families and friends can get together to talk, to laugh — or get into screaming arguments.
There are plenty of reasons togetherness can turn into tension — maybe that cousin you mostly love has that one opinion on politics or world events you just can’t stand, or that one nosy grandparent won’t stop asking about your life choices. Perhaps someone at the table is struggling with a substance abuse issue or a mental health concern. And don’t forget that person who is just mean and miserable and spoiling for a fight.
It can be enough to make you want to hit the eggnog extra hard. But experts in psychology and mental health say it doesn’t have to be that way, and they offer suggestions for how to help manage gatherings that might be less than jolly:
KNOW YOUR “WHY”
It’s important for people to know why they are going into situations they know could be tense or worse, says Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D, a licensed clinical psychologist who talks about the damage of narcissistic relationships.
Whether that’s because there are other relatives they want to see or some other reason that is worth the potential drama, it’s vital “to be clear on the reason,” she says, “because otherwise you feel like you’re just sort of a moth to the flame.”
DON’T FALL FOR THE HOLIDAY HYPE
Watch enough holiday movies, and you could be lulled into thinking that a time of year where messages of hope and redemption are everywhere means your relationship with that conflict-prone person you have fought with in most other moments of your life will also somehow magically be all sunshine and roses.
“There’s that kind of relationship-healing fantasy,” says Tracy Hutchinson, Ph.D., who teaches in the graduate clinical mental health program at the College of William & Mary in Virginia. She says people want to believe “maybe this time it will be different, instead of just radically accepting that it probably won’t be any different. But what can be different is the way that you approach the relationship and you approach the situation.”
SOME SUBJECTS MIGHT BE BETTER OFF AVOIDED
With everything going on in the world today, it probably wouldn’t be difficult to have that political issue or current event where you find yourself diametrically opposed to someone you otherwise think well of. Well, you don’t have to talk about it, says Jeanne Safer, Ph. D., psychotherapist and author of, “I Love You, But I Hate Your Politics.”
“I think people have a great deal of difficulty realizing that they can care about somebody and have a lot in common and all of those kinds of things and not be able to talk about politics,” she says. “You don’t have to talk about everything.”
BUT IF YOU DO, THE GOAL IS COMMUNICATION, NOT CASTIGATION
“Don’t go in trying to convince them that you’re right and they’re wrong,” says Tania Israel, Ph. D., professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara. “What’s best is to go in trying to understand them and communicate that you care.”
If someone says something you disagree with, she says, you can say, “Tell me how you came to form that opinion, tell me a little bit about the connection that you have to that issue, what makes that so important to you, and ask them questions.”
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
If you know your holiday family situation is likely to be tough, find ways to give yourself some moments of peace or distraction, Durvasula says, like going for a walk or taking some time to read a book or meditate. And don’t overlook that it is the holiday season.
“Find a way to commemorate or celebrate with healthy people, whoever those who might be,” she says. “They might be a subset of your family. They may be friends, they may be colleagues, whoever they are, do that. So at least you feel that there’s something that happened during that holiday season that felt meaningful to you.”
veryGood! (99689)
Related
- North Carolina trustees approve Bill Belichick’s deal ahead of introductory news conference
- 'Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny' is a whip-crackin' good time
- The Negro League revolutionized baseball – MLB's new rules are part of its legacy
- TikTok, facing scrutiny, launches critical new data security measures in Europe
- Which apps offer encrypted messaging? How to switch and what to know after feds’ warning
- Ted Lasso Season 3 Trailer Proves a Battle Is Brewing On and Off the Soccer Field
- When Whistler's model didn't show up, his mom stepped in — and made art history
- Some advice from filmmaker Cheryl Dunye: 'Keep putting yourself out where you belong'
- Who's hosting 'Saturday Night Live' tonight? Musical guest, how to watch Dec. 14 episode
- 'Joy Ride' is a raucous adventure for four friends
Ranking
- Residents worried after ceiling cracks appear following reroofing works at Jalan Tenaga HDB blocks
- Oye como va: New York is getting a museum dedicated to salsa music
- Louis Armstrong's dazzling archive has a new home — his
- Jane Birkin, British actress, singer and French icon, dies at 76
- Apple iOS 18.2: What to know about top features, including Genmoji, AI updates
- For the record: We visit Colleen Shogan, the first woman appointed U.S. Archivist
- The Traitors Reunion Teaser Shows the Aftermath of Season 1’s Shocking Finale
- 3 shot in suspected terror attack in Tel Aviv; gunman killed, police say
Recommendation
Why Sean "Diddy" Combs Is Being Given a Laptop in Jail Amid Witness Intimidation Fears
Jessica Chastain Has the Last Laugh After 2023 SAG Awards Slip
The Negro League revolutionized baseball – MLB's new rules are part of its legacy
Rapper Costa Titch dies after collapsing on stage in South Africa
$73.5M beach replenishment project starts in January at Jersey Shore
Wife of Mexico kidnapping survivor says he's just glad to be alive
'The Beast You Are' is smart, self-aware, fun, creepy, and strange
'Wait Wait' for July 1, 2023: With Not My Job guest Aleeza Ben Shalom